Originally posted 3/20/21
Yeah I’m in the zone where I just don’t really know if this life thing is for me. No area of it is going right currently. Every good thing I experience is too good to be true and I’m kinda tired of feeling like I keep getting bamboozled trying to find what IS right for me.
Good Old Feelings
I feel like I have a lot of amazing, excellent ideas and I would love to really make a difference in the world but I can never get my personal life in order long enough to focus fully and efficiently on these great ideas. When I feel unloved I am not motivated to work or get well. I’m very lonely. When I feel like I can’t provide what other people need, especially my daughter, I start to feel very worthless which makes me feel unmotivated. I can’t stay motivated long enough to make an impact.
Sometimes people make bad decisions due to ignorance. Even if it’s willful ignorance. Other times they are severe character flaws that come with a lot of baggage and keep creating more negative consequences do the persons inability to change. It’s hard to know which one is going on until it’s too late usually. Especially when you truly strive to be a good person for the sake of being a good person so you’re trying to see the good in others. The problem with that is that often that sliver of good you see doesn’t outweigh the mountains and mountains of really really red flags.
I honestly don’t even remember what exactly was going on at this time but it’s tragic that I had a boyfriend and still felt lonely. Turns out though, that that relationship and the friendship I made due to it were both pretty hellish. Since I’ve removed myself from both, life has been a lot better ! I definitely want to live now despite the current obstacles.
There’s no real theme to these. Just whatever comes up in my mind ! But if you’re curious or fascinated, follow ya boi.