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Copacetic Bunsz

Copacetic Bunsz

Just Me Doing Stuff; Lots and Lots of Stuff

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Category: Rose Gold Media

Chilombo Vs Suga July 8, 2020July 8, 2020
Black Excellence May 6, 2020April 29, 2020

Instagram

The hardest thing about summers is that I still have to work, Mindy is an only child and we have no neighborhood kids where I live. SO this summer at least she has swim lessons ❤️ #JustKeepSwimming #SwimmingLessons #OnlyChild #NeighborhoodKids #SchoolsOutForTheSummer #SummerCamp #TheYMCA
Joyful Cheesescakes.... ⠀
I tend to want to just work through everything and pretend nothing bad is happening. Word on the street is that's wild unhealthy. I feel like I don't know how to grieve but I've been told several times that I'm grieving so well. When the feels come I try to lean into them but sometimes it's too intense. My throat gets too dry and tight and my eyes burn and my nose starts running and my ears drown out the noise and my stomach hurts and I want to run and scream but I can't move. I just miss her. So. MUCH. It's inexplicable. It feels like a chunk of me is missing. She helped me through my grandpa. She helped me through my nephews. She helped me numerous times with my dad. She helped me with Max. I keep wondering who is supposed to help me with her ? It's not that I don't have a support system but I don't have a Champaign. She stayed by my side every single day through those losses for weeks and months on end. She helped take care of Mindy, she cooked and cleaned my home. She made sure I was taking care of myself. She reminded me every hour how much I was loved and how strong I am and how it's okay to be weak if needed. It's like I keep hearing her voice being the same old her trying to get me through this. I can't stop wondering if there's anything I could've done differently for her to still be here right now.⠀
I've been looking through the thousands of pictures and screenshots I have left of all of us. Both good and bad. With her passing, all I can think about is how temporary everything is and how none of this shit is even real. It's all made up. I keep thinking of a religious convention I went to years ago about temporary residents. About the scripture that says to focus instead on the things unseen. I don't exactly know what I'm still doing here or why things are the way they are. But I do know I will continue to live consciously, with intention so that I can make the most of my time here in case it's cut short. We don't really know for certain what happens after here.⠀
I wish I wasn't allergic to strawberries and bananas and pineapples and oranges and carrots and tomatoes and cats and dogs and grass and trees and hospital soap and fabric softner.⠀
And if you want one, or anything else, you can get 20% with my code: BUNNY⠀

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