The Struggle

Originally written on January 18, 2021

After I got home from the hospital my anxiety was still through the roof and it seems like depression is settling in even deeper. I’m just chronically exhausted but having trouble falling asleep. I keep oversleeping and waking up in a panic attack. I’m not getting my normal amount of work done which also makes me panic. I really pride myself on being efficient and productive.

I Love Being Bipolar Or Whatever Kanye Said

I can’t remember if I mentioned it but a reading I had a few months back did say that I should definitely get back on my medicine because depression was coming. I didn’t see it because although life was hard at that time, I felt very mentally stable. I was still pretty happy. So this has still really caught me off guard.

I think that moving to California at the end of this year is all that I need. The sun makes a difference. Being surrounded by nature makes a difference. Being away from triggers would make a difference. My severe allergies and fibromyalgia cause me to feel depressed and neither of them bothers me when I’m in California. I’m just very ready to move. So I need to find a way to get it together and get back focused so that I can do what I need to do to make sure this move really happens this time with or without anyone else.

Back To The Future

A year and half later the readings advise me NOT to be on synthetic medicine. But the hugest difference is that I’ve been doing yoga and meditation every single day for about 2 years now. I’ve also had 10 neurofeedback sessions that help regulate my emotions quite a bit by reducing half of my PTSD symptoms.

The relationship I was in ended so the Cali plans by the end of last year flew out the window. Every time I plan on going it’s with someone as a family. This time I’m giving myself 5 years to move with just Mindy and me no matter what. Ideally, she’ll start high school out there.

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