Twin Flame

*Originally written 11/28/2020, revisions made today

I’m going to start this off with saying I actually have no fucking clue what I believe in. Aside from the assumption that there must be something bigger than us tiny, trash, beggin’ ass humans. However, in my quest for truth, I’ve stumbled upon hella information on metaphysics and quantum physics.

Photo by Miriam Espacio

Who Do You Love And Why

The deeper I get into this kind of research, or I don’t know, it could be unintentional confirmation bias, but it always leads me back to some type of spirituality. Most recently I’ve been super interested in the concept of soul mates and twin flames. Not gonna lie, mainly because I stumbled upon some tarot readers and decided to give it a go and was told my twin flame is in my life right now.

You’ve likely heard the term soulmate before. People kinda throw it around like candy falls from a pinata. But in this system of belief, soulmates are defined pretty specifically and they have specific purposes in your life. Tbh I’m bouta just copy and paste what Loner Wolf put because I think it’s worded pretty impeccably:

What Is A SoulMate ?

So what is a soul mate? In my experience, this is what really defines a soul mate:

  • Soulmates are your best friends. They’re also your romantic and sexual partners. (You can also have very deep connections with friends, family members and animals – I refer to these as soul friends – but other people also refer to them as soul mates).
  • Soulmates are your mirrors. They reflect back to you your own flaws, insecurities, dreams and strengths to help you grow to the fullest. You can rely on them to be honest with you, completely honest, even to the point of not sparing your feelings because they care about you that much.
  • Soulmates are your spiritual catalysts. They don’t complete you, but they do help you to become the best version of yourself possible. Why don’t they complete you? Because you are already complete at your core, and throughout the course of your life you are in the process of rediscovering that.
  • Soulmates are your confidants and teachers. Sometimes the lessons they teach are intentional, but often the lessons they teach are unintentional and are a by-product of your relationship with them. Because they understand you so deeply, soul mates also make powerful confidants, helping you through tough times and inspiring you to do and be your very best.
  • Soulmates feel very “familiar.” This is possibly because you have spent many past lives with them. Something between the two of you just clicks, as though you have been friends and lovers forever.
  • Soulmates often know you better than you know yourself. Therefore, they can empathize with you at a core level.
  • Soulmates vibrate at the same frequency as you. This is just a fancy way of saying that soul mates not only share your likes, tastes and goals, but they also share your deeper life values, beliefs and dreams. You both “get” each other on a DNA level.
  • Soulmates love you unconditionally. You also love them unconditionally. Although it may not be possible for soul mates to always stay together, it is impossible for soul mates to harbor feelings of hatred for each other for long periods of time. Despite what they do, you still love them, and they still love you.
  • Soulmates aren’t perfect. They have their annoying flaws, gross habits and strange quirks, but they are still amazing people deep down.
  • Soulmates aren’t always immediately recognizable. Love at first sight isn’t a myth, but it also isn’t the only way you can discover who your soul mate is. Often soul mates appear in various “disguises” in our lives.
  • Soulmates don’t always stay with you for a lifetime. This is an extremely harmful myth that I’d love to squash once and for all! Soul mates don’t always stay until the end, but this is not a bad thing. We like to think that our lovers will be there forever because it is a comforting and sentimental thought. But sometimes life has different plans for us. Unfortunately the destruction of this ideal has wrought untold amounts of misery in people’s lives that I have witnessed firsthand. Sometimes soul mates are there for only a season, and sometimes they are there for a lifetime. But whatever the case, enjoy the ride.
  • There is the possibility to find multiple soul mates – although most people only tend to find one person who they are deeply compatible with. I personally have never had more than one soul mate/twin flame, so I can’t speak from experience. But I have known other people who have claimed to have had multiple profound relationships.

So does everyone have a soulmate ? Yes. HOWEVER, that definitely doesn’t mean that you will meet them in this lifetime. It’s a spiritual experience and if you’re not a spiritual person it’s unlikely that you’ll be able to attract this love. And if you did, you probably wouldn’t recognize it. My best friend of about 14 years fit this mold. We KNEW we were each other’s soul mates. But it was definitely only for a season.

As I reread the above info the day before my b’earthday in 2022 I can’t help but cry uncontrollably. My most intimate and longstanding soulfriend has transitioned. She was exhausted and done humaning. I get so afraid sometimes that I’ll never feel that type of love again. She felt so irreplaceable. I get the feeling she’s still here, I just can’t see her. I get the feeling that this life wasn’t even our first rodeo. As I come into figuring out more and more each day what I truly believe in, I’m so grateful to have experienced her so fully.

Life took its course and did its thing and unfortunately after many years of us growing together we started growing apart…and that made room for my twin flame (or at least who I thought it was at the time).

What Is A Twin Flame ?

Let’s go ahead and get some more information from our expert, Loner Wolf:

“Put simply, the purpose of the twin flame relationship is to help us shed away the snakeskin of the ego, face and heal our wounded hearts, and transform into spiritually awakened beings.

Twin flames are a divine expression of Balance, Harmony, and Unconditional Love. Every twin flame couple will have a higher purpose to achieve together, and this may include anything from raising conscious children and starting an eco-conscious business, to becoming spiritual guides and mentoring the lives of many.

Contrary to popular belief, twin flames do not complete each other– this is because the Soul itself is already complete. Instead, such relationships exist to catalyze spiritual maturing and conscious expansion. In other words, twin flame connections exist to aid the collective growth of our planet towards compassion, tranquility, and love.

On a personal level, twin flame relationships prepare us to acknowledge, experience and eventually embody the Wholeness that has always and forever been inside of us. This state of Wholeness is what enlightened Teachers through the ages have embodied and spoken of. This Wholeness is the Soul, or True Nature, within us.”

Signs You’ve Met Your Twin Flame

Before getting into the signs I want to talk about how much this resonates with me. But to clarify, I am not in a romantic committed relationship with this person. We’re best friends but there’s obviously more going on spiritually because WE FEEL IT ! The reading was to put a name to what I wondered was going on. (We did eventually enter into a romantic, supposedly committed relationship and it turns out he’s a runner, he’s a trackstar.)

I’ve struggled with severe symptoms of mental illness since I was 8 years old. In 2019 I was planning out my suicide and as they say, “whatever is on the mind comes out the mouth”. I started posting increasingly more nihilistic memes and writings and this person noticed and just reached out to me with genuine concern. I felt it then. It was like I KNEW something but I didn’t know what I knew. I also want to point out a major key alert; this person hardly ever posted on Facebook themselves and didn’t even have any personal pictures. They were a stranger in every sense.

21 Signs That’s Your Twin Flame

  1. You feel a strange, inexplicable sense of “recognition” when you meet the person. This might manifest itself as déjà vu, or an unshakable feeling that you’ve known this person before, or are somehow “meant to be together.”
  2. You have a feeling that they are going to play a very important role in your own development, without knowing when, why or how.
  3. You’ve established an immediate, intense connection with them that is invigorating and shocking at the same time.
  4. You feel as though you’ve finally found a “home” or safe place with the other person.
  5. You are able to be your authentic self – warts and all – without the fear of rejection, persecution or judgment with them.
  6. You both embody the yin and yang, in other words, your dark side is balanced by their light side, and their dark side is balanced by your light side.
  7. You feel a sense of expansion with them, as though you are larger than your limited identity.
  8. They make you a better person, and you make them a better person.
  9. When together you are both bonded but free, attached but unattached. In other words, you still maintain your freedom even though you might be in a relationship with them.
  10. You are finely tuned to their energy, and they are finely tuned to yours. This means that you are both very conscious of the present play of energy (whether happy or sad, angry or forgiving, open or withholding) present in the connection. You’re both therefore highly empathic with each other.
  11. You feel as though you have been waiting for this person your entire life.
  12. You both connect deeply and mirror each other’s values and aspirations for life beyond surface similarities.
  13. Your twin flame is a mirror of what you fear and simultaneously desire the most for your own inner healing. For example, if you are a highly-strung person, your twin flame will most likely be relaxed and messy. If you like to play the victim, your twin flame will be a strong character who refuses to give you pity or sympathy to perpetuate your complex. If you are creatively repressed, your twin flame will be a flourishing artist. In this way, our twin flames challenge and infuriate us but also teach us important lessons about our fears, core wounds, and repressions.
  14. Your childhoods were polar opposite. You were raised in very different ways, which led to the development of opposite childhood wounds that you now have the opportunity to mend.
  15. One of you is more soulfully mature than the other and often serves as the teacher, counselor or confidant within the relationship.
  16. You are taught important life lessons such as forgiveness, gratitude, empathy, and open-mindedness by them and with them.
  17. The most growth you’ve ever experienced has been with them. No other friendship or relationship has transformed you as deeply as this one has.
  18. Your connection is multi-faceted. In other words, your twin flame is likely your best friend, lover, teacher, nurturer, and muse all at once.
  19. Your twin flame doesn’t try to change you. They accept you for who you are and what stage you’re at and encourage you to do the same for yourself (and vice versa).
  20. You can be truthful with each other about anything.
  21. Together, you both feel driven towards a higher purpose, whether spiritually, socially or ecologically.

8 Stages of Twin Flame Love

Stage One – Yearning for “The One”

In this preliminary stage, you have spent your entire life pining for “The One” that doesn’t yet exist in your life. You have this strange sensation that someone who is perfectly molded to you is “out there” but you don’t quite know where or when they will appear in your life. Although you ache for your twin flame, you have a feeling they will appear to you at some point.

This stage is also sometimes spent “preparing” for the arrival of the twin flame on an unconscious level. In my instance, I had to learn how to love myself before I met mine. For others, this stage of preparation involves the development of self-awareness, discovery, and understanding.

Stage Two – Glimpsing “The One”

At some point, you will have a brief glimpse of your twin flame. Whether this is through a dream signal, or through a real-life meeting, suddenly the Beloved can be sensed. The result is profound. Wonder, joy, anxiety, and intoxication quickly ensue. For those cautious among us, a lingering sense of intense curiosity and desire to get to know the person better is the result. You don’t know what it is exactly, but this person is extremely special. Like me, you may even sense that this person will play an immensely important role in your life – even before you know them properly.

Stage Three – Falling in Love

When you fall for this person, you will fall very, very hard. You will fall harder than you have ever fallen for anyone – and the impact will knock the breath right out of you. In fact, as you get to know your twin flame better, you will fall more and more deeply in love with them. As a result, you’ll find it hard to stand with two feet on the ground. You might feel disorientated, lovesick and “unlike yourself.” You may even try to resist the attraction, but eventually, you’ll accept the reality that you’re deeply and madly in love.

Stage Four – The Fairy-Tale Relationship

As both of you eventually make your feelings known and enter into a relationship, life will feel like a fairy-tale. Your relationship with them will be perfect in every possible way. It will seem as though your twin flame fulfills every single need you have and everything you ever possibly wanted. This taste of “paradise” is what the matured twin flame relationship looks like after the next few stages of turmoil.

Stage Five – Outer Turmoil and Inner Purging

In this stage, there is trouble in paradise. As the ecstasy from the initial meeting period wears off, egos start to flare up. Suddenly differences in opinion, taste, and personality arise, and old core wounds emerge out of the gloom. While our twin flames share and mirror our deepest needs, desires, and dreams, they also tend to mirror our shadow selves. For example, if you are an emotionally repressed person, your twin flame will likely be emotionally explosive. If you tend to be arrogant, your twin flame will most likely be uncertain and quiet. In this way our twin flames challenge us, riling up our insecurities. This can be infuriating, devastating and very painful.

While all the arguing and fighting in this stage may seem disastrous, the truth is that it is necessary for our growth. Without being provoked, without seeing ourselves for who we “really” are, we live in illusion and fail to grow soulfully. But this is certainly hard to realize while you’re going through such turbulence in your relationship!

Stage Six – The Runner and Chaser

As tensions mount it is common for one partner (or sometimes both) to emotionally or physically withdraw and “run” away, and another to pursue in a game of cat and mouse. Sometimes this involves emotional shutdown and silent treatments. Other times this involves physical separation and in extreme cases, the permanent termination of the relationship. In this stage, twin flames experience a trial by fire. While some relationships last and are strengthened, others crumble to pieces. As I mentioned at the start, this is all dependent on each partner’s soulful maturity. Sometimes one partner leaves for many years and then returns, only to repeat the cycle once again. The chaser, on the other hand, tends to be the more mentally and emotionally mature partner of the two, trying to sort everything out and make amends.

Stage Seven – Surrender and Dissolution

Once the shadow of your relationship has been revealed, you may experience a period of surrender. After so much anguish, distress and provocation, you both begin to open up about your wounds and insecurities. In this stage, it is common to experience a lot of ego dissolution and soulful expansion. As the ego relaxes, powerful lessons are learned about the nature of oneself and the nature of the “other.” As you begin learning how to work through your differences, the maturity of your relationship deepens and thus strengthens.

It is common to go through stages six and seven many times throughout your relationship.

Stage Eight – Oneness

As the problems in your relationship become increasingly easy to deal with, you will enter a period of soul reunion. In stage eight it is common for you to both find a shared meaning, passion or cause that brings you a mutual sense of fulfillment. As the ego continues to relax, virtues such as forgiveness, understanding, empathy, and patience are learned. The more you both work through each issue that comes your way vigilantly, the more you experience the sensation of “Oneness,” or ego death.

Should I keep you updated on my journey with this ? Do you have your own story about a soul mate or a twin flame to share with me ? Let’s talk ! Subscribe and comment.

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