The Next Chapter (Trigger Warning: Suicidal Ideation)

I’m going to be real honest. I hate it here and I’d rather not be here. I have been suicidal a majority of my life. After the most recent drastic turn of events (my soulmate dying, my twin flame breaking up with me only to find out he was cheating anyway, financial struggles, the decision to step away from an extremely important passion project tied to my life purpose, legal issues of no fault of my own) in my life, I was right back to being suicidal for about 7 weeks. Life… lost it’s purpose because the things and people I love most fell away or were ripped away from me. “What’s the point in all this ?” is all I could really think of.

Then I looked at my kid and remembered she’s part of my purpose too. Then I looked at my tattoos and remembered the meaning behind each of them. Then I remembered my next poetry project. It’s called “iDecided…to be happy.” It takes readers through my journey of trauma and self-actualization up to the point where I decided officially that no matter what’s happening externally, I can CHOOSE to be happy anyway. I decided. iDecided… to be happy.

So that’s still what I’m going to do. Despite nothing in life giving me any sort of pleasure at all and feeling very alone, I am going to stay here simply because I decided to be happy.

So here’s to the next chapter, a truly happier one.

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