May is always one of the hardest months for me. Especially the first two weeks. But I made it out alive ! Triggers suck and the month of May is stocked full of them. Let’s just break it down one time for the one time. My hope to the Universe and prayer to The Most High is that in five years my husband and I look back at this and die laughing that I was ever so bothered before.
This is my old business partner’s birthday. She stole my business plan, took credit for work that I did alone, attempted to defame me to clients and put me in uncomfortable situations in a regular basis by disrespecting my boundaries. When I first met her she was very charming and charismatic. I didn’t know it was to cover up the demonic tendencies in her. The icing on the cake is that in no time it was revealed her behavior ended up the way it was because my boyfriend at the time was her “best friend”. She knew he was dating someone else while dating me and she was in love with him. Tragic.
Cinco de Micah ! That’s what my ex, my daughter’s father always called it. That’s his name and it’s his birthday. He’s committed many, many minor infractions in the last ten years but also a few big things that are unforgivable. I will say, however, he was diagnosed with schizophrenia when I was 5 months pregnant. So maybe some of it is beyond his control. But I’ll never know which parts. He chose not to even meet our daughter until she was 2 years old. He stopped seeing her that same year. When she was 4 he broke into our home and tried to rape me. After fighting for some time he gave up and ran off. When she was 6, he kidnapped her from daycare and I didn’t hear from or see her for an excruciating 3 weeks. After the debacle of that, he took me to court and won joint custody just to choose to never see her afterwards at all. She spent a total of a month with him her entire life. Pathetic.
May 5 Again
Cinco de Mateo ! My nephew was born 4 years on this day. Aiden Mateo, the second love of my life. I have not been allowed to see him for 3 years now. The actual reason why, no one knows but my sister and God, possibly her husband. But the reason that I was given is that I am no longer a Jehovah’s Witness and didn’t plan on coming back. That actually baffles me for many more reasons than I feel like explaining in this moment.
The birthday of my ex-bestie. The one that I had built a life with. The one that has my two bonus children whom I love dearly. It sucks that things didn’t pan out for us. There are people that you can love with everything in your body and soul, and have the opportunity to reconnect with, but that you still cannot be around because of just how much it disturbs your peace and weakens you.
Mother’s Day actually wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. I had my 5 minute break down then actually had a great day ! But that 5 minutes was INTENSE ! I miss the relationship I used to have with my mother. She was my absolute best friend for so many years. Another person, however, that I can never reconnect with.
My ex, I found out he was living with another woman, whom he intended to marry, for our entire relationship. Mrs. May 3 knew, if you recall.
My father’s birthday. He stopped talking to me like 3 years ago over a petty spat. I had totalled my car. I didn’t ask him for help because he didn’t have a car either. Wild.
On The Bright Side
The rest of the month is only up from here !